Deadly Whispers

I’m feeling a little erghhhh at this very moment…my head’s not together (Or more to the point it’s too together….). I feel like the two bit’s I’m used to, have either fused right up into one and that one half has dulled right down. Or I feel one part has gone away entirely! And I’m panicking that it’s not coming back!!!! So now I’m going completely nuts because I can’t deal with how I’m feeling. I don’t feel like me! If anything I feel "normal" and I’m not used to having a mind that feels that way, I don’t like it. I need it to go back….I need it to go back! I feel so fucking annoyed because it’s my fault it’s gone like this and I don’t know how to undo the damage I’ve done. And I really don’t know how to cope with it all if it’s going to stay this way….i feel so ashamed of myself.

I’m going to shut up now and talk about things in general instead of insane ramblings.

This will be my first and last post of the World Cup.

A lot of people all over the world are crying because of a ball. I do understand the "pain", but I also think it’s stupido. Take a look at the crying game here.

My favotite is this one:

Sunday is the final and may the best team win.

Here are some part of the I.Q. test i took.

So which are you? smart, a pussy, dick or an asshole?

that’s all for now. Brain hurts.

It’s raining! grr!

Anyway, it was strange to hear from him and see pictures of his wife. I feel like my relationship with him was lifetimes ago. Like "that wasn’t me, that wasn’t my life, that was just a very strange dream".

Which do you suppose is more common?

Craving something from someone, or craving someone for their whole?

As in, you want them because they have a unique quality or skill that draws you to them, or you want them because they are a unique person and everything about them draws you to them.

I  don’t know what i’m drawn to these days, it seems to me that i can’t decide what i want… maybe i’m afraid that those who are drawn to me, are only drawn to me for something specific, and not the whole…

If only i were a pirate… life would be so much easier. Yar!!!

Haha I got you all thinking for sure :p

And oh… hurray for my new profile pic! :D. oh here’s another one..

Uhm.. yuck. since when did this become a dating web site? yuck.

I’ve just deleted a whole entry cause i’m just too curious and I COULDN’T HELP PUSHING THAT FUCKING BUTTON ON THE KEYBOARD TO SEE IF THE HOMEPAGE REDIRECT WORKED.

Anyways…

Most of the people I encounter lately are elitists. You know..the holier-than-though attitudes. Those men and women who assume they know what your motivations and intentions are and judge you for it without ever trying to clarify the issue. Well..i’m not one to be all accomodating and trying to massage anyone’s egos with "can’t we all get along" discourse. I prefer to stay out of drama, and I prefer to ignore the ignoble. Sometimes, if they interact with me on the wrong day though… It’s so hard to walk away.

Maybe I just need to unscrew my head, take out my brain and put it in cold water.

I’m somewhere…. where I don’t know where I am……mentally, at least.

I get like this, this time of year. It’s hard to explain, but basically my whole brain is filled with flashbacks, to the point where I almost forget where I am physically, but can’t fully grasp where I am mentally. I guess I get them all year, they just change with the seasons. Am I talking like a stoner right now?

It’s difficult to avoid being an iconoclast, hence it being my name on a few other discussion forums (Yes, I’m that The Iconoclast, if you’re spying on me). i don’t mean to suggest that I’m some sort of revolutionary; on the contrary, a lot of people find it "hip" to be an iconoclast, and certainly not new in any sense. However, without choosing consciously, it’s just what i tend towards. I was given the name for relentlessly assaulting Michael Moore’s ethics on Democratic Underground, a mighty den of Moore-ist sycophants that i no longer frequent and for some reason, they blocked my entry there hehe, though i think i made less than 50 posts before forgetting about the site.

That out of the way, i fear that i won’t be able to not be The Iconoclast on here or on any other sites anymore. i try to leave that identity elsewhere - really, what good would it do me here if everybody thinks I am utterly contemptful of all the happy blind paradise go-go-gadget good feelings that give them a reason to wake up in the morning? I already fear I’ve made bad moves somewhere, and possibly the feminist group, though i didn’t say anything offensive, merely, my response was really long and everyone else’s were one-liners, which made me go "whoops" a little. internet society is funny.

Speaking of Internet society, I haven’t been on that site long enough to know exactly what it is that is "acceptable" to say and "not acceptable" to say, and while I have never been banned from a website for my opinions because I am a rule-abiding user.

That is to say, i tend to be opinionated, and while I’ve never lashed out at people during a debate, it seems that debating itself may be frowned upon, and that’s just not something I’m sure i can abide by. I expect to become more comfortable once I know what the exact boundaries im into.

Mostly, I just wanted it to be made clear that I am not, by nature, someone who thinks they are "XTREEM" or an intentional rabble-rouser. It’s more that i just like to hear what people think, and sometimes the easiest way to do this is to just be straight-up and honest about it.

I also wanted to remind anybody reading of my previous post, if you are on my friends list. Mucho important.

I’m going to speak some words.

One thing - I feel like updating, but don’t feel like being cryptic weirdo girl right now. So here are things I am thinking.

One thing - I hate friendster now. And yet, I find myself on it constantly. Its a disgusting, viscious addiction, and the most effective free marketing promotional tool out there currently.

One thing - I got to spend time with the fabulous friends I have. We had so much fun.

One thing - Sometimes i am incredibly entertained by those pro-eating disorder websites.

One thing - I miss having time to read. There were a few months that I was going through multiple novels a week, but now i have stocks waiting for me that seem to be collecting dust.

One thing - I want to talk to Mike but i cannot contact him. I have not saved his new YM id on my mobile phone when he sent me an sms. Hmm..actually, i left him offline the day after he dropped an sms..telling him im stil upset. blah. I cant email him though.

One thing - Jealousy is a terrible disease. Get well soon. Yes i know you are reading this entry. I dont get it why you keep on coming back. Well if you dont like my blog, go somewhere else. But thanks for making me feel flattered :p *laughs*

For all those people who like to talk shit…don’t get pissed when you get dissed. Because you are another bitch on my shit list!

One thing - that’s about it.